Friday, July 31, 2015

Because of Planned Parenthood, Liberals Obviously Like Halliburton

The Center for Medical Progress has been dropping videos right and left showing some seriously disturbing statements by Planned Parenthood employees.  So disturbing that left-wing politicians, actors, comedians, and judges are circling the wagons.

Planned Parenthood's chief isn't bothering responding; she'd rather smear.  First, she resorted to the old "highly edited video" dodge, implying that the fact that a producer might have removed extraneous material from a video (something all producers do) is evidence of wrongdoing.  Of course, the complete videos were released, neatly defeating the claim that the intent was to deceive.  Then she broadly attacked the Center for Medical Progress, who produced the video, claiming it has "no credibility".  This was merely an assertion; she didn't provide anything substantive to support it.  Refusing to respond to questions and accusations is typical for her; she's ducked key questions in the past.

The most common statement by others on the left is that they "support women's health blahblahblah."  Apparently, Planned Parenthood is the sole provider of women's health.  This seems odd to me, because claims by the president that Planned Parenthood provided mammograms to women were shown to be false.  But that many left wing politicians and actors and comedians couldn't possibly be wrong.  Therefore, it makes perfect sense to conflate the existence of Planned Parenthood with availability of women's healthcare.

This is why the left must obviously love Halliburton.  Oftentimes, Halliburton received government contracts because it was believed that the service being purchased was only available from Halliburton.  Kind of like the belief that women's health is only available from Planned Parenthood.  So, when many of Halliburton's practices were questioned, the left was obviously okay with this.  Halliburton was supporting the troops in Iraq and various other things, therefore being against Halliburton clearly is the same as being against the troops.  The same way being against Planned Parenthood must obviously be the same as being against women's health.  Right?

If only there were a few places that offered the services Planned Parenthood actually does offer.  Things like STD screenings, cancer screenings, and pregnancy tests.  Places like, every doctor's office.  Or, for some of those things, a CVS or a Walgreen's.  Then we wouldn't be stuck with Planned Parenthood if we found out they were breaking the law.  In this scenario, we could defund Planned Parenthood if we caught them breaking the law and give those funds to other women's health providers.

Sadly, Planned Parenthood is clearly the only women's health option available.  It must be.  Hillary Clinton and Elizabeth Warren are insisting that attacks on Planned Parenthood are attacks on women's health, so they absolutely have to be the only provider.  The only plausible explanation for the left's defense of Planned Parenthood is a lack of options.  They must believe that even if Planned Parenthood is breaking a million laws, shutting off government funds would kill women's health.  Not a single investigation can be tolerated, unless it's investigating the Center for Medical Progress.

Ten years or so ago there were claims that Halliburton was a unique provider.  Ending the contract would have hurt the troops, and apparently there was no alternative.  Because to not do so would have hurt the troops.  Giving the contract to someone else wasn't an option.  Investigations into law breaking would just be hurtful.  At least, that's what we were told.  Therefore, I predict Hillary Clinton will come out in support of future Halliburton contracts.  For the same reason she supports funding Planned Parenthood.  Because to do otherwise would be hypocritical.

Know The Code: "Cowardly" Does Not Mean What You Think It Means

The Twitterverse is all atwitter (too easy, I know) about the death of Cecil the Lion.  Some-Dentist-From-Some-Place is being accused of murder, is being doxxed by celebrities, and threatened with death.   And it seems like he's being called a "coward" by both right-wing guys, left-wing guys, and internet dweebs.  Which is yet another abuse of the word "coward."

Here's what coward means, courtesy of these guys:


noun cow·ard \ˈka(-ə)rd\
: someone who is too afraid to do what is right or expected : someone who is not at all brave or courageous

The use of "cowardly" is fairly common in the media.  The first time I heard it used in my life, it was used to describe terror attacks.  And those typically are cowardly.  Attacking unarmed, innocent people doesn't take courage.  Attacking armed and dangerous people does.  Even attacking soldiers can be cowardly under the right circumstances.  When Nidal Hassan went on a shooting spree at Fort Hood, he was attacking unarmed people, not soldiers who were armed and ready.  Therefore, it was cowardly

Mass shooters are cowardly too.  Whether it's a movie theater, a college, or an elementary school, someone who feels the urge to blaze away at unarmed people is a giant wuss.  This is probably why these chumps usually off themselves; they're too afraid to face justice after murdering dozens of people.

But occasionally, "cowardly" is used to describe people who aren't cowardly.  This is frequently used to describe ISIS and the Taliban, even when it's not appropriate.  When ISIS attacks the Syrian military or the Taliban attack the Pakistani army, they aren't being cowardly.  When they light helpless prisoners on fire or shoot little girls in the face, that's cowardly.  Also, Chris Kyle may have been a sniper, but he was still in a combat zone and constantly under fire.  So he and other snipers are not cowardly, no matter what Michael Moore thinks.  Unless the sniper is attacking an unarmed person, like the DC sniper or James Earl Ray.

Stalking a wild animal doesn't count as cowardly.  Sure, you're sneaking around, but that's because if the animal is alerted to you it may turn on you.  Just like a sniper in a combat zone, sneaking is necessary to stay alive.  By the way, this is how big cats hunt too; using stealth.  And despite what some say, lions are more than happy to come after you.  I've seen it first hand.

On my last trip to Africa, I went on a short safari.  The preserve, like most zoos, had to keep the lions separate from the other animals to prevent them from eating the other animals.  The fenced in lion area was a square mile or so in size.  As we walked up to the fence around the lion area, one of the teenage girls in our group stuck her fingers through the fence and began teasing a bored looking lion.  The lion very quickly reacted and leapt at the fence.  She very nearly lost fingers.  Another touristy type person wanted to take a picture with a lion behind him.  The second he turned his back, the lion charged the fence.  The fence held, but we learned not to turn our backs on them.

So, if there's no fence and a lion gets pissed off, he will waste your sorry ass and eat you.  Sometimes he'll kill you for no reason at all, like what happened to this poor girl.  This is why stalking a lion is not at all cowardly.  Hunting is not cowardly, unless you plan to shoot animals when they're helpless.  What the dentist did was bad, but not cowardly.

So it's time to stop abusing the word cowardly.  Cowardly means what Webster's says it means.  We shouldn't let it become code for "stuff that I don't like."  PETA provides a perfect example of how not to use the word by describing all hunting as cowardly.  That's crap.  Hunting isn't necessarily courageous, but it's not cowardly.  Terrorism is cowardly.  Killing innocents is cowardly.  Running away from a fight is cowardly.  Abandoning your family is cowardly.  Lots of things are cowardly.  Some putz shooting an endangered animal is not cowardly.  The fact that we don't like it is no excuse for sloppiness and intellectual laziness.

Let's save the "coward" designation for those who deserve it.  Like Zimbabwe's cowardly dictator who sends goon squads to intimidate opponents and voters, and ordered at least one cowardly slaughter.  He's too chickenshit to compete in a real election and sends soldiers to attack civilians.  Which is why we don't extradite the dentist.  We should shun Robert Mugabe's true cowardice.  We should not send one of our citizens, no matter what he's done, to face the twisted justice of an actual coward.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

If You're a Conservative, the Left Will Knock the Black Off You

Normally, I'm a little leery any time somebody tells me about "white privilege".  Many of the benefits associated with white privilege are benefits that any rich person has, regardless of race.  But I can confirm one form of white privilege that exists.  I can remain white no matter what my political opinions are.

Non-white people can lose their race by not marching in lock step with the "progressive" left.  Recently, Bobby Jindal was slammed for not being a real Indian anymore.  Apparently, he doesn't immerse himself in Indian culture the way he should and he became a (gasp) Christian.  A non-white person who exercises freedom of choice and religion is transformed into a white person.

But I've also shaken off most of my ancestors' practices.  Unlike my ancestors, I do not eat haggis or regularly attend a Presbyterian church or cleave people's heads off with giant swords.  Nor do I (or will I) EVER play the bagpipes.  And yet I'm still so white that I turn red after standing in the Florida sun for more than 0.62 microseconds.  My exercise of my inalienable rights has not compromised my ethnicity or race in any way.

Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio both get the business about not being real Hispanics.  At least one reporter was so convinced that Ted Cruz had been de-Hispanicked (for lack of a better word), that he felt the urge to ask a barrage of questions designed to verify his Cuban-cred.  Rubio gets similar jazz, but less, because most of his critics still can't get over the fact that he occasionally gets thirsty.

But fewer people get hammered harder than black conservatives.  Tim Scott, Mia Love, Condeleeza Rice, Clarence Thomas, and Colin Powell have been tokenized, Uncle-Tommed or unblackened or otherwise maligned.  Except Colin Powell was reblackened once he said supportive things of Barack Obama.  Which proves my point.  Toeing the progressive line is the only way to hold on to a racial identity.

I can do whatever I want and my race doesn't change.  But an Asian or Hispanic person who doesn't go along with the majority of other Asians or Hispanics is suddenly no longer Asian or Hispanic.  And if a black person dares to adopt conservative values, the left will knock the black off of them.

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

The Presidential Campaign Is Just a Game of F*ck, Marry, Kill

Any fellow slacker who visits Buzzfeed and other cyberloafing websites (usually when we should be working) knows the game of F*ck (Yeah, I'm G-rated), Marry, Kill.  Given a list of three people (men or women, whatever your preference), you decide who would you f*ck, who would you marry, and who would you kill.  With "Kill" being loosely defined as "Person You Are Least Likely to Marry or F*ck".  This is exactly what the 2016 presidential campaign is like in these early stages.

Since Donald Trump, who is seriously loony, entered the race, he's become the second most popular candidate.  Bernie Sanders, who should be the fringiest of fringe candidates, has double digit numbers.  How is it that these political whack-jobs could be polling so well? The answer is that Republicans and Democrats want to have crazy animal sex with them.

The Donald is pounding the drums on illegal immigration and better border security, and Bernie is spewing the "social justice" (read: class warfare) talking points.  Both are easy applause lines for their respective bases.  Eventually, we'll realize that immigration is a bit too complicated and nuanced for someone like the Donald and we'll remember that policies like Bernie's have led places like Venezuela, Greece, and the USSR to economic ruin.  But for now, the emotional response that fiery rhetoric on immigration and class warfare produces in the party bases is going to make us all horny as hell.

Granted, it seems strange to say that someone wants to f*ck the Donald.  Normal people, like his ex-wives, just want to f*ck his money.  And the thought of banging Bernie Sanders is a little creepy after reading his bizarro sex column from the seventies.  But the more sensible candidates just aren't as exciting.

This won't last, though.  In 2012, almost every Republican candidate briefly jumped into the top tier.  But this meant the candidate was in "F*ck" status, not "Marry" status.  Republicans had a one night stand with Ron Paul and felt so guilty the morning after they wouldn't let him into the convention.  They screwed Rick Perry so hard he had memory lapses.  Things got so nasty with Rick Santorum that "Santorum" is now a sex term.

Republicans wanted to f*ck all of them at one point or another.  Except I think they killed Jon Huntsman.  I haven't heard from him in ages.  Maybe he was executed for that horrible, painful to watch Nirvana joke during the debates.  But once they were done sleeping around, Republicans settled on Mitt Romney, because he was easily the most marriageable of the candidates.

I expect a similar whirlwind romance with the candidates this time around, starting with Bernie and the Donald.  But like your typical fling, it won't last.  For a few weeks, months, or maybe even a year or so, we'll be tagging Bernie and the Donald until our legs don't work.  But the Democrats will marry Hillary and Republicans will marry one of the more sensible Republican candidates.

I expect Bernie and the Donald will both eventually go from "F*ck" status to "Kill" status.  Maybe not literally kill, but once they're out of our system, we'll wish they were dead.  Once their time is over, Bernie and the Donald will be the sex partners we regret and wish never happened.  We'll settle for someone more sensible and try not to feel too guilty for straying with some wild and crazy person who blew through town one weekend.