Given the amount of time I spend goofing around on the Internet and social media (which is what I do when I should be working), it's only a matter of time until I start bumping into the loonier side of cyberspace. Every nutty conspiracy theory there is is out on the web. I've been inundated with this kind of crazy for hours every day, except for the moments where my boss walks by my desk and I have to pretend I'm working. And I finally noticed a common pattern.
All of these conspiracy theories were created by communists. Commies. Oh, yes. That is the only explanation that makes sense. All of the greatest conspiracy theories are obviously created by communists. The faking of the moon landing, aliens at Area 51, the assassination of JFK, the various Rothschild, Illuminati, New World Order conspiracies, and the worst, 9/11 truther conspiracies, are all created by communists to advance a communist agenda.
They do this because the truth makes communists look bad. The moon landing was an early indication that American capitalism would blow right past Soviet communism. Communists thought they had the edge in the space race, but suddenly America was back in the game. When America successfully completed the first moon landing, communists couldn't let people believe that capitalism was actually superior. So they invented the myth that the moon landing was faked. A pack of communist lies that claimed the moon landing was a pack of capitalist lies. Irony, anyone?
The aliens at Area 51 is a similar example. Area 51 is a real place. It's a part of Nellis Air Force Base in Nevada. The truth is that there was (and probably still is) Air Force research being conducted at Area 51. Crazy, mad scientist, ARPA/DARPA stuff. American enterprise was rapidly making Soviet communism obsolete. The Soviets couldn't let the world believe that the innovations that we made were the product of capitalism. So they cobbled together a half-assed theory that we were actually stealing the ideas from aliens. Damn Commies. Couldn't handle the fact that we were just way more innovative than them.
This isn't the only thing they thought we stole. All of Illuminati, New World Order, Rothschild conspiracies have a similar theme. A shadowy cabal of businessmen, bankers, and whatever controls the entire world's wealth. America is apparently controlled by a few families, like the Rockefellers. Uh-huh. One look at the Forbes 400 disproves this. 70% of the 400 wealthiest Americans are self made billionaires. Many are household names on the list, such as Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Charles Schwab, George Lucas, and Donald Trump just to name a few. There is a Rockefeller on the list. He's tied for 151. Less than the five I just mentioned. How can a few families control all of the wealth, when so many self made billionaires are richer than one of the supposed conspirators? The answer is simple. Commies. They can't handle the fact that capitalism allows people to thrive and be successful in a single lifetime. So they claim that some rich people must have stolen it. The old "behind every great fortune is a great crime" canard.
The last conspiracy led to another goofball theory that was apparently manufactured by the Politburo. When faced with happy people enjoying the fruits of capitalism, communists swung into damage control mode. Western society is "decadent" according to the commies of the world. This was raw denial on the part of the USSR. The commies couldn't admit that things were just better here. They didn't want people to look around at the bread lines and start dreaming of a life in America. So instead, they pushed the idea that we were weakening ourselves. Slowly poisoning ourselves with debauchery. We stole all the money and were living frivolously. Anything to prevent the people living under communism from seeing the obvious truth: communism was a failure waiting to happen.
The JFK assassination theories are a little different. They're a deflection of guilt. The guy who actually killed JFK, Lee Harvey Oswald, was a member of the communist party. The party couldn't have people believing that a communist murdered the American president. So the commies acted like it was a shadowy conspiracy, a convoluted, Byzantine intrigue produced by American capitalism. Anything to avoid having people realize that the actual murderer was just another naive chump duped by communism.
The 9/11 truther conspiracies are a product of the even more naive neo-communists. Communism rightly became extinct. It's political Darwinism; the unfit system perished and the fittest system survived and thrived. But a few leftover douches from the 60's occasionally con some young people into pushing the various quaint and archaic notions of communism. We see this today with Anonymous and the Occupy movement. And it should come as no surprise that plenty of these nuts are in love with the 9/11 Truth idea. Youtube is full of the Truthers at Occupy rallies and Anonymopes demanding an investigation of the 9/11 "false flag" attack.
For the commies, it was absolutely critical that the United States not appear in any way sympathetic after 9/11. The neo-commies would have us believe that 9/11 was a giant conspiracy by the corrupt shadowy cabals that rule the United States and stole the world's wealth devised it as an elaborate power grab. Of course, they already control the world's wealth, according to various other communist theories. So I'm not sure how much power they could grab for. That is irrelevant, though, since logic and reason are not things Occupunks and Anonymopes concern themselves with. America overreached when it responded to 9/11. The simple explanations are that this was political opportunism or, far more likely, a natural reaction that came from fear. But if the world believed that, it would disrupt the commie narrative that capitalism is evil. So they threw together a theory about planned demolitions.
There it is. The one true conspiracy. Communists invent all other conspiracy theories to advance their discredited ideology. All of their conspiracy theories about capitalism and the New World Order are actually an elaborate conspiracy to install a communist New World Order. Of course now that I think about it, does it make sense to assume there is an conspiracy every time I hear something that doesn't fit what I believe? Could this belief that communists are behind everything be the product of paranoia; another Red Scare? Maybe these conspiracy theories exist because there are lots of disaffected nuts in the world who jump on every screwy theory, especially the Anti-American ones, that they can find. That's a much simpler explanation. Nah, screw it. Occam's Razor is for pussies. Commies are behind everything. Damn commies.
Showing posts with label 9/11. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 9/11. Show all posts
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
9/11 - Move On, Never Forget, and Don't Nitpick About It
Today was the eleventh anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. TV, newspapers, and the Internet were full of stories about the attacks and memorial services all over the country. Twitter was flooded with #NeverForget tweets. We shouldn't forget, and I don't think any of us will. But I've started to notice some ugliness in some places, and some silliness in other places.
I'll start with the ugliness. I've been seeing an increasing amount of "Move On" and "Get Over It" stories. Naturally, most of this is in the form of anonymous internet postings. This is fringe stuff, but I keep seeing more of it. It's usually the mewlings of extreme leftists or the febrile meanderings of conspiracy theorists.
The extreme leftist types don't see the way the country united after 9/11 as a positive thing. Instead, they see our memorials as an excuse for jingoism and neoimperialism. Pardon my French, fellas, but horseshit. The country with the most liberal immigration policy in the world cannot be considered jingistic. And I'll believe America is an empire on the day I get my first tribute payment.
The conspiracy theorists believe that we planned 9/11 to excuse invasions of other countries and domestic spying. There certainly has been some overreach in those areas. But we're out of Iraq, and attempts to spy on citizens are frequently called out in the press and in the courts. The "evidence" of the conspiracy theorists usually revolves around showing video of the towers collapsing, and claiming that the collapse could only be caused by a planned demolition. These spurious claims have been easily and laughably debunked by experts. So horseshit to you guys too.
The fact that the country united after 9/11 isn't a bad thing. It shows that we can still work towards a common purpose, something that doesn't happen often enough these days. To see this as something nefarious seems like anti-American nut rhetoric. I hesitate to accuse anyone of anti-Americanism because I know there is a potential for abuse. Like accusations of racism and socialism these days, it's frequently thrown out by someone who has nothing more intelligent to say. But I can think of no other reason for it. How else can one explain seeing a negative in the greatest strength of America: our ability to come together in a crisis. This unity is why we should never forget 9/11.
Now for the silliness. This morning I saw a story about how CNN was too busy covering the Kardashians to have a moment of silence at 8:46 AM, when the first plane hit. Enter manufactured outrage. Granted, everything Kardashian is inherently silly. But I don't think we should obsess too much about how other people remember the time of the first impact. I didn't remember either. There's a reason for that, but in order for that to make sense, it's important to know what I was doing on 9/11.
I was working in a call center in Atlanta at the time for a financial services firm. The center was open 24 hours, and I worked the night shift. So I didn't even wake up until mid-afternoon. It was a fairly typical day for me. On my way to work, I turned on the radio and put in a CD. While the CD was going in I heard a brief mention of an attack on the Pentagon, but it was so out of context I assumed it must be some talk radio pundits speculating on some obscure "what if" scenario. The likelihood of an attack on the Pentagon seemed ludicrous. Also, I was driving through Atlanta traffic, so I wasn't really paying attention.
When I got to work, I knew something was wrong. People weren't moving like they normally did. They huddled in small groups, whispering amongst themselves. There was a vibe there of general wrongness. Then I saw the overhead TV monitors, always tuned to CNBC to watch the market. But today they showed the towers in flames. I was stunned. It was beyond imagination.
I spent the next few hours trying to find out what happened to a few friends I knew in New York. They didn't work in the towers, but they worked in that part of town. Fortunately, they were all fine. For the rest of the shift, all we could do was sit and watch the reports. I don't know if we could have brought ourselves to work, but there wasn't anything to do anyway. The markets were closed. Our Virginia office, a stone's throw from the Pentagon, was completely shut down. All we could do is watch the reports in horror and wonder how and why this could happen.
Over the next few days, our horror and outrage would turn to hope at seeing solidarity as members of Congress huddled on the steps of the capital to sing "God Bless America". Our rage would gradually turn into determination when we heard the President's address a few days later. We all felt unified and a strength of purpose. It's important that we remember that feeling of unity, especially now that we face different crises. That unity can be dangerous if we lose ourselves in it (we got a little carried away in subsequent years), but it's a force for good when done responsibly. And unity is something we lack these days.
I never knew that the first plane hit at 8:46 AM, though. I was asleep at the time. That's why it's not such a big deal for me. And when I woke up this morning, I didn't even realize it was 9/11. When I saw the news, I noticed that the memorials were there, but less so than in previous years. That's why CNN would show a Kardashian at 8:46. Not because they've forgotten, but because we're moving on. Not in the nasty, heartless way spewed by extremists. We're moving on in an entirely natural, and entirely healthy way. I'm not worried that we'll ever forget. That's a lesson I learned from my parents. They can both tell me exactly where they were when they heard JFK was assassinated over fifty years ago. Fifty years from now I'll remember where I was when I heard about the 9/11 attacks, assuming I'm still alive.
I'm moving on too, which is why I had to be reminded that it was 9/11 today. The helplessness I felt when it happened is long gone. The lesson I'll remember, that we all should, is that no matter how bad things get, America can unite and bounce back. When we hear naysayers and nutjobs bashing 9/11, we should remind them of the tragedy and the fact that we unified and overcame it. And when someone else forgets a moment of silence, just let it go. They haven't forgotten the attack. They've just gotten over the pain and loss, and don't feel the need spend so much time on ceremony. It's not a sign of inconsideration; it's just a sign of healing.
I'll start with the ugliness. I've been seeing an increasing amount of "Move On" and "Get Over It" stories. Naturally, most of this is in the form of anonymous internet postings. This is fringe stuff, but I keep seeing more of it. It's usually the mewlings of extreme leftists or the febrile meanderings of conspiracy theorists.
The extreme leftist types don't see the way the country united after 9/11 as a positive thing. Instead, they see our memorials as an excuse for jingoism and neoimperialism. Pardon my French, fellas, but horseshit. The country with the most liberal immigration policy in the world cannot be considered jingistic. And I'll believe America is an empire on the day I get my first tribute payment.
The conspiracy theorists believe that we planned 9/11 to excuse invasions of other countries and domestic spying. There certainly has been some overreach in those areas. But we're out of Iraq, and attempts to spy on citizens are frequently called out in the press and in the courts. The "evidence" of the conspiracy theorists usually revolves around showing video of the towers collapsing, and claiming that the collapse could only be caused by a planned demolition. These spurious claims have been easily and laughably debunked by experts. So horseshit to you guys too.
The fact that the country united after 9/11 isn't a bad thing. It shows that we can still work towards a common purpose, something that doesn't happen often enough these days. To see this as something nefarious seems like anti-American nut rhetoric. I hesitate to accuse anyone of anti-Americanism because I know there is a potential for abuse. Like accusations of racism and socialism these days, it's frequently thrown out by someone who has nothing more intelligent to say. But I can think of no other reason for it. How else can one explain seeing a negative in the greatest strength of America: our ability to come together in a crisis. This unity is why we should never forget 9/11.
Now for the silliness. This morning I saw a story about how CNN was too busy covering the Kardashians to have a moment of silence at 8:46 AM, when the first plane hit. Enter manufactured outrage. Granted, everything Kardashian is inherently silly. But I don't think we should obsess too much about how other people remember the time of the first impact. I didn't remember either. There's a reason for that, but in order for that to make sense, it's important to know what I was doing on 9/11.
I was working in a call center in Atlanta at the time for a financial services firm. The center was open 24 hours, and I worked the night shift. So I didn't even wake up until mid-afternoon. It was a fairly typical day for me. On my way to work, I turned on the radio and put in a CD. While the CD was going in I heard a brief mention of an attack on the Pentagon, but it was so out of context I assumed it must be some talk radio pundits speculating on some obscure "what if" scenario. The likelihood of an attack on the Pentagon seemed ludicrous. Also, I was driving through Atlanta traffic, so I wasn't really paying attention.
When I got to work, I knew something was wrong. People weren't moving like they normally did. They huddled in small groups, whispering amongst themselves. There was a vibe there of general wrongness. Then I saw the overhead TV monitors, always tuned to CNBC to watch the market. But today they showed the towers in flames. I was stunned. It was beyond imagination.
I spent the next few hours trying to find out what happened to a few friends I knew in New York. They didn't work in the towers, but they worked in that part of town. Fortunately, they were all fine. For the rest of the shift, all we could do was sit and watch the reports. I don't know if we could have brought ourselves to work, but there wasn't anything to do anyway. The markets were closed. Our Virginia office, a stone's throw from the Pentagon, was completely shut down. All we could do is watch the reports in horror and wonder how and why this could happen.
Over the next few days, our horror and outrage would turn to hope at seeing solidarity as members of Congress huddled on the steps of the capital to sing "God Bless America". Our rage would gradually turn into determination when we heard the President's address a few days later. We all felt unified and a strength of purpose. It's important that we remember that feeling of unity, especially now that we face different crises. That unity can be dangerous if we lose ourselves in it (we got a little carried away in subsequent years), but it's a force for good when done responsibly. And unity is something we lack these days.
I never knew that the first plane hit at 8:46 AM, though. I was asleep at the time. That's why it's not such a big deal for me. And when I woke up this morning, I didn't even realize it was 9/11. When I saw the news, I noticed that the memorials were there, but less so than in previous years. That's why CNN would show a Kardashian at 8:46. Not because they've forgotten, but because we're moving on. Not in the nasty, heartless way spewed by extremists. We're moving on in an entirely natural, and entirely healthy way. I'm not worried that we'll ever forget. That's a lesson I learned from my parents. They can both tell me exactly where they were when they heard JFK was assassinated over fifty years ago. Fifty years from now I'll remember where I was when I heard about the 9/11 attacks, assuming I'm still alive.
I'm moving on too, which is why I had to be reminded that it was 9/11 today. The helplessness I felt when it happened is long gone. The lesson I'll remember, that we all should, is that no matter how bad things get, America can unite and bounce back. When we hear naysayers and nutjobs bashing 9/11, we should remind them of the tragedy and the fact that we unified and overcame it. And when someone else forgets a moment of silence, just let it go. They haven't forgotten the attack. They've just gotten over the pain and loss, and don't feel the need spend so much time on ceremony. It's not a sign of inconsideration; it's just a sign of healing.
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